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[retrorsum]

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[oddbod]

Are you getting restless yet?

[retrorsum]

Try weeks ago.

( she's almost as bad as the doctor )

[oddbod]

At least I felt useful the first few days.

[Testing berries for people to see if they were poisonous turned out to be a lucrative investment to the little camp.]

If I had my bike, I would have tried to leave already.

[retrorsum]

We could walk.

[oddbod]

I'll meet you by the wood pile.

[retrorsum]

( excellent. time to wait and... hope their conversation/investigation doesn't get weird.

this time.

maybe )

Clara.

( she'll start friendly )

[oddbod]

River.

[She hops off the stump she had been sitting on, boots soundless. Still the victim of a vengefully inadequate wardrobe, she's got on a short skirt and a sweater, but she doesn't appear uncomfortable in it; she isn't shivering, and her nose isn't red with the frost.

Stranger - there are no puffs of white breath.]

[retrorsum]

( it's not the strangest thing that river has ever seen. it also doesnt get a comment -- she's not rude and as human as this girl looks maybe she isn't )

Shall we?

( she's wearing the outfit that clara first met her in and whilst it seems more layered it isn't that protective against the cold. good job temperatures don't particularly affect her )

[oddbod]

[Clara response by way of setting off, boots crunching over dead leaves in a line for the trees. There's a sort of unsettled energy in her movements, simmering beneath the lid, in the way her shoulders square and her smile stretches.]

Love a good midnight walk in monster-infested woods.

[retrorsum]

Is the better time?

( she's absolutely not serious with that question considering that there likely is a better time but river also has done this before. when you sleep very little you find things to occupy yourself with.

even though their last conversation was only conducted through text river is also far calmer than she was then -- no more frustrations irritating her body )

[oddbod]

[Clara is certainly glad to see that whatever was plaguing River has apparently cleared up. She’s not sure she could handle any awkward advances, not on today of all days.]

It’s not home, but I miss the town. I’ve been aching for my bathtub and my kettle for weeks.

[A bit like Stockholm Syndrome, perhaps. But she’s always needed a few creature comforts, at the end of a tough day.]

[retrorsum]

( just dont ask what happened after the conversation with clara. though river doesn't need an aphrodisiac for awkward advances. it's almost her middle name )

Or a good bottle of wine.

( it might take longer for river to settle or feel 'home' (if she did) but she could still appreciate creature comforts. a good hot bath, some very nice food and good wine always helped. not that any of those things would make her like this place more, just feel a little more herself (or clearer headed) temporarily )

That I haven't had luck with.

( the bath was (usually) an easier fix )

[oddbod]

[Clara gives a little dramatic sigh.]

That would be worth the walk back to town. I could drink a Tesco out of their wine aisle about now.

[retrorsum]

( a tesco-- just kidding she knows exactly what a tesco is. it also makes her laugh a little )

I'd be willing to do it.

( also most definitely considering it right now )

The monsters aren't going anywhere.

[oddbod]

They certainly aren’t.

[Clara steps on an iced puddle, and listens to the crunch.]

... It’s my birthday this week. Not quite sure how old I’m turning, but you’re never too mature to celebrate like an eighteen-year-old.

[retrorsum]

That you're not.

( river says it confidently as if she knows exactly what clara is talking about and whilst she has definitely had some wild nights they're probably not in the same meaning that clara has. her eighteen was never rightly timed )

Besides, travelling in a non-linear fashion makes it harder to keep count. That much I know.

( you could still keep track of the days but humans didn't -- too caught up in the adventure and excitement and then getting slotted back into their lives as if no time had passed. how did you manage that? )

[oddbod]

[Clara smiles. At least she has someone to share that incredibly specific complaint with.]

I used to show up after an hour's lunch break with longer hair and a sun tan. And with all the times that happened, I guess I could really be years older. [Oh, the fond memories, though.] Everyone at Coal Hill just thought I was a nut.

[retrorsum]

( oh, she could relate. at university no one had particularly noticed and then she was her own entity (and barely around). in prison she'd always returned in different clothes and far too happy. they'd about given up )

Coal Hill?

( it isn't anywhere or anything she'd heard of before but her earth years had been very sheltered )

[oddbod]

The school I taught at, in London.

[She misses it so dearly, and only the dark of the forest keeps it from showing in her face.]

[retrorsum]

Ah. ( river nods. the only school she knows is the one she attended in leadworth. kovarian hadn't bothered that first time in america )

I never actually spent that much time on Earth.

( which is mostly a lie. half a lie. river did grow up there and had returned to visit her parents or the occasional time adventure but most of her life had been spent on luna, in stormcage or flitting about somewhere. and she had 24 years upcoming on another planet

but river offers the nugget sort of as an explanation and sort of so clara can know her a little. they both had to get to know the other better and this felt right. and whilst she's technically lying in terms of her life river song hadn't spent that much time on earth )

[oddbod]

[Well, for someone like River - or at least, with all Clara assumes about her - Earth must be an afterthought of a planet. Primitive and dull. It’s still always puzzled and charmed her that the Doctor chose to spend so much time there himself, given what else he had at his fingertips.]

I lived there for twenty-four years, full-time. Then less and less, until I was only going back for work.

[retrorsum]

The stars have that pull.

( once you've seen something so incredible how could you ever go back? she'd heard the same thing from her parents, that want of not missing out on their life and not wanting to lose the adventure. at least in the end they'd still had each other )

Why did you go back to work?

( it's curious. she's never had the attachment of home to never be able to give it up. with stormcage returning each time had been necessity and after her life had been her own, few attachments for anyone to notice her )

[oddbod]

[She shrugs, not because she doesn't know the answer but because she's not sure River would understand.]

It kept me grounded.

[As long as that life was still there to go back to, she felt like she knew who she was, like she could keep herself in check. She felt human.]

I needed a place to come back to, I think. Traveling became my life, and the TARDIS was my home, but sometimes I needed to go back to my family and my apartment and my students, and remember where I came from. Get my head back on straight, I guess.

[And more than that, she felt like she owed it to Danny not to lose sight of herself. She felt like she owed it to him to keep teaching, to take care of the kids he had to leave behind.]

[retrorsum]

( clara is right in thinking that river doesn't understand. though she tries to imagine it that sense of belonging is something that she'd never had. though in her second childhood she'd tried to find it, having amy and rory there with her, it was never anything real. she could never be real and there was always that fear that kovarian would easily rip it all away.

she tries, though. imagining that home she'd always wanted, the people that wanted her, somewhere to tell her stories at the end of the day. purpose and family )

It must have been nice. ( and difficult. that part river understood, the loneliness of not being able to tell anyone what you were really doing or the other life that you had. seeing the stars, the people that you'd met -- who you were ) To have somewhere you wanted to see after all of that.

[oddbod]

[The pain in River's reaction doesn't go undetected. Clara softens, slowing her pace.]

It was just sad, towards the end. [The wistfulness drops from her voice, leaving it flatter, more honest.] I'd changed too much to fit in there. Everyone knew something was off, but I kept lying. And I left them all worse off, after.

[She had said a few words to her dad and gran in the last year, at most. No one from Coal Hill could ever reach her outside of class hours. Even her kids started rumors about her increasingly eccentric behavior, all of her absences and excuses whenever a crisis struck. Everyone knew she was hiding something, and no one knew what.

And then came Trap Street, and she took all those secrets to the grave.]

Sometimes I think I should've given them a clean break.